Being a Grandboomer isn't all that easy. As you may be discovering, the seeds of being a happy Grandboomer were sown when you first became a parent (in some cases a stepparent) Did you create a good foundation for your children to follow? Do your children have the confidence necessary to be successful parents?
Recently, Washington Times writer Paula Gray Hunter interviewed a number of experts who have worked and studied in the field.
Dr. Arthur Kornhaber, founder of the Foundation for Grandparenting in Ojai, CA, had some interesting insights. His comments noted that being a good grandparent start when your child marries. That you should be supportive of the marriage and "become good friends" with you spouse's partner.
His second point is extremely well taken and can be considered a cornerstone of Grandbooming. Dr. Kornhaber recommends that grandparents sit down with the expectant parents and discuss the role they will play in the new child's life. Sounds simple, but does it happen in real life, or are there a lot of problems taking place when the ideas and "rights" of grandparents are in conflict with the wants and desires of the parents. Think back!
Here's a nice thought from Allan and Kathryn Zullo, authors of "The Nanas and the Papas: A Boomers Guide to Grandparenting". Mark the event as a rite of passage. Write a poem or song. Plant a tree.
Our own personal experience told us we had to get up to date on changes in child rearing. Things we learned on the care and feeding of infants have changed. Don't plan on bring a crib down from the attic. It may be a safety hazard by today's standards. As for travel in a motor vehicle, car seats have been updated dramatically and the model that's best for your car should be purchased when the child is old enough to ride.
Just as you did for your children, keep potentially dangerous items out of reach. And, remember, babies and small children get into everything. Here's one case where those old electric outlet covers will come in handy. And, an expansion gate for hallways and/or stairways. Check out some garage sales. These items show up all the time from families whose children have outgrown the need.
Dr. Kornhaber recommends "being part of the child's world". Regular visits help the child identify you as part of the inner family. In the case where distance is involved, use email frequently. We suggest purchase of a scanner so you can send photos of yourself to the grandchild in sort of a surrogate visit. Scanners are inexpensive and easy to use. They also make great gifts if you want to see a lot of photos of your grandchild.
Kathryn Zullo notes that if you send letters, use some type of bright sticker on your envelopes to create an identification that this letter is from Grandma.
Remember, however, that much as you want to pamper and spoil the child, you must defer to the parents. They have the child day by day. You are only there on occasion. When babysitting, for example, discuss discipline strategy with the parents to insure grandchildren are not confused by a double standard.
At one time, there was a saying: "The nice thing about grandchildren is that they come, they visit, and then they go home." In the weeks ahead, we'll talk about Grandboomers who have an additional role...that of the parent.
© 2012 Created by Myles Bristowe.
