GB Reader Forum and Mail

Always Supportive

I was so saddened by the letter of "Disappointed...and Healing". As parents, the biggest mistake we can make is to plan for our children. My own mother once wrote to me about "mourning for a life she thought I would have," and this was coming from a woman who was supposed to be of a strong faith! The thing is, I wasn't mourning, I was being grateful for the blessings of my children, and the amazing love of my husband. We kept afloat by working hard together for our family.

My mother has a husband that makes a good deal of money, but spends no time with the family. I'm happy with what God gave me. You can imagine what steps will lead to the greatest possible happiness for your children, but when things take a turn, more often than not you were wrong. They are living the life that they are meant to with obstacles to overcome and grow from. Her strength and resiliance through her young motherhood will, I'm sure, prove to be a blessing not only to her child, but hopefully to you, too.

I've learned far more from my children than any other source and have been enriched on a daily basis because of it. I do hope that instead of being disappointed in the life your daughter is living you will be supportive and nonjudgemental, for it is her life, and your only job has ever been to love her.

Sincerely,
Danielle
 

Finally a Gramma

I was one of many that has had a hard time deciding just what to be called as a grandmother. Since I have a unique first name, I wanted a unique grandmother name. Well guess what folks, after all was said and done, I chose Gramma ... and this was for the sake of our grandson. I wanted him to be able to say the name I chose... and for it to "fit" if I happened to live to be 99 as one of my grandmothers did. And what a day I had today with my grandson. He is now 10 weeks old and his mother brings him each morning at 5:15 A.M. and his picks him up around noon... he chose to do just about everything he could to me today that a baby can possibly do to a person. Oh my, what a day we had ... we both had to change some of our clothes ... : )

Take Care,
Gramma
 

More Suggestions Needed

I am almost 50 and am the proud grandparent of a 15-month-old. I married a widower and have been gratefully given the recognition as the baby's grandmother. I thought my nickname for grandma was settled. I wanted to be called "Grammy" but that name was grabbed up by the other grandmother. So, I'm looking for something unique. I don't want to be called "Nanny" or "Nana" but am open to other suggestions.

Thank you,
Kim
 

Binga and the Twins

I read through the article and just wanted to comment. I’m the mother of twin sons Corbin & Gage (2 1/2). I was 26 when I had my sons and my mom and dad were in their fifties. We didn’t push any names on the boys for what to call their grandparents. I wanted them to call their grandmothers Grammie, but they had other ideas. My Dad's name came first and it has stuck ever since. The boys call him Pop, since that was the easiest to say and he responded to it, so they just kept on it. When it comes to my Mom and my husbands Mom, that is a different story. They couldn’t spit out Grammie, so we just let it go and waited to see what would come out. They toyed with Oma and that still comes out from time to time, but from a cartoon on Noggin the boys came up with and have held dear to Binga! I’m not sure why, but it is a name that they love and my mom and his Mom love it too!

Thank you,
Sheila
 

Gaby and Mim

When my oldest granddaughter started to talk, she is now 18, I did not want to be called grandmother, so I called myself "Gramby" when I talked to her. She must have heard... Gaby, since that is what she started calling me. I loved it and I have been Gaby to the rest of my granddaughters ever since. My sister-in-law's first grandson started calling her Mim since he could not say many words early. Now she is Mim to her other grandchildren, too. We were too young to be called Grandma!!

Rosemarie
 

Remembering His Polish Heritage

My local paper, the Pittsburgh Tribune Review, carried an article this week on alternate names for grandparents.

When my first grandchild was born, my daughter asked me what I wanted to be called. My heritage is Polish, and both my grandfathers had died before I was born. However, my grandmothers were called "Nana" and "Babchi" (my interpretation of the spelling there). Anyway, I thought it was important that Eva know of her Polish roots when she grew up, so what better way than for me to use the Polish word for grandfather, Dziadek. The pronunciation is sort of like Shah-dek, which isn't that hard for little kids to learn.

I've got three granddaughters now, and they are all using the same name for me. It avoids controversy with the other sets of grandparents to use a unique name. And it doesn't sound like I'm an old fart.

Stanley
 

Disappointment...and Healing

I just found this site and am so grateful I did.

My daughter, who is not yet 18, just graduated from high school with honors and a year of college completed as well, with a scholarship and fully paid education at a wonderful university to look forward to, decided not to take birth control (although she is dishonest about that...telling everyone she was) now finds herself pregnant and seemingly happy about it. I've no doubts planned and hoped for.

Her father and I are incredibly disappointed in her. The fun and unencumbered years she could have had away at college...the dreams of what her future could have been now clouded by a future sure to be rife with struggle and hardship.

We are very good, generous, loving, doting and supportive parents who have tried to give her the freedom she needed to mature into a responsible young woman, which I've no doubts she will yet become.

While I am feeling angry, disappointed, frustrated, confused, overwhelmed with grief and consumed with "why?", there is still a part of me planning a baby quilt and pondering what name to have this little one call me someday.

I've read all the posts, enjoyed every one and now have some wonderful ideas. Perhaps if I give myself a name the healing can begin.

I've added this site to my "favorites" list as I can see this will be a sanctuary of sorts in the difficult times to come.

Thank you,
"Mamie"? "Mema"? or "Tema"?
 

Webcams Keep Them Connected

We're Bubbe and Zayde to one set of grandkids. Grandma and Grandpa to another. Long distance communication by telephone with speaker features and a set of "buddy" video cams (on the computers) is awesome if you are hooked up by DSL or cable, but dialup is terrible. You can talk, see, hear each other, and sing together if desired. Really cool to hear our two-year-old granddaughter singing "Happy Birthday" to Grandpa "live" from 700 miles away!!!

Also, it's neat to read Little Golden Books on a tape to Molly, then send her the book and the tape. She knows my voice very early!!!

Molly's Grandma, Mari
 

Yet Another Nickname

My stepdaughter is due Aug 2. Since she is of mixed race (black and hispanic) our granddaughter will call her maternal grandmother "Abuella"...and I assume the paternal grandparents will be "grandma" and "grandpa." I too am stuck with the idea that age 36 is too young to be called a Grandmother...so I went searching the internet and found a wonderful site about what people around the world call their grandparents. Personally I think I like the idea of the baby calling me Nee-Nee or Meemaw. My stepdaughter calls me Mom-Mom so I guess I can get used to yet another nickname!

The Best Job Ever

Isn't being a grandparent the best job ever? I have 5 granddaughters that range from 7 months to 11 years. Four are our biological and one is step but we love her just the same. Both of my children have been divorced and remarried so there are many grandparents in the group.

I am Gramma and my husband is Grampa. Recently one of the older girls has started calling us Grams and Gramps and that is great. I don't care what they call me as long as they call me! They call their other grandparents either Mamaw and Papaw or Grandma. It helps them keep us straight. When they are with their other grandparents they may refer to us the same way. We are very lucky to see all of our girls almost daily, and at times two of them and their mom (our daughter) have lived with us.

We are all very close both emotionally and geographically. Our friends ask if we ever get tired of having them around and I emphatically answer NO! I think of all of you who are "long distance" grandparents and welcome the "beautiful chaos" of ballgame schedules and school programs. I know that as they grow older, they will only benefit from the close family relationships that they have with their aunts, uncles and cousins as well as myself and my husband. Of course, it comes very naturally as both my husband's family as well as my own remain close to this day.

I was a grandmother for the first time at 40 and before she was born I thought that I was too young. The second I saw her come into the world and held her, I knew my greatest days were just beginning! Happy grandparenting!

Gramma/Grams
 

Too Young for "Grammy"

I was just reading an article in the newspaper about how it is Glam to be Gram. They referred us to your web site, which incidently, I really enjoy.

When my granddaughter was around one (she is now six), she couldn't say "Grammy." What she eventually came out with was "Gree." My grandson (her baby brother, age 3) also calls me that. It is so heartwarming to hear my grandchildren calling "Greeeeeeeee" as they are coming up the walkway to my house. I love it. They call my mother Great Gree.

Like many of the other grandboomers, I felt I was too young at age 50 to be called Grammy, Gran etc. Gree is the perfect name for me. And it is even more special that my granddaughter came up with it on her own.

Dotty
 

Appropriate Discipline

As a grandparent, I think you have a great website. I have just one concern. I'm not against spanking, but I can't understand someone smacking a child in the face. The problem there is that children as a rule are very active and there's a danger of catching them in their eyes. It would only take a fraction of a second for the child to move his head.

While I spanked my children on rare occasions, I NEVER smacked their face or gave them a quick whack. I've seen parents "smack" their children around and while the child wasn't hurt, it just seemed to make them act out even more. Just my two cents here. I would never raise a hand to my grandchild even if my daughter said I could. That would be her job. But I would definitely discipline him in other ways such as time out or taking away a toy.

For the record, I raised two great kids that I'm very proud of and neither one has given me any problems. Thanks for a great website, and allowing us to give our opinions. God Bless.

Grandma Meg
 

Young at Heart

Just found your website and love the name Grandboomers. I too did not want to be "Grandma" since my mother-in-law lives with us and is Grandma to my girls - it would be way to confusing. Plus, I'm just way to young (at heart anyway), so I am Nonnie and have been for the last nine years and it fits my personality to a tee.

Lillie (Nonnie)
 

Feeling Disrespected

First of all I would like to thank you for establishing a web site that offers understanding and insight to parents and grandparents. My situation is this. My daughter recently gave birth to a son. The immediate family members in his life are mixed with biological and step-parents. I'm divorced and remarried, and so is her father. My son-in-law's father is remarried, and his mother is still single. My daughter refers to my husband by his first name and refers to her step-mom by her first name. The same is true with her husband referring to his step-mom by her first name.

My problem is this. Prior to my grandson's birth I had a conversation with my daughter regarding the names that her little guy would call the various members of the family in his life. I expressed to my daughter my feelings as they related to the name that my grandson would call me. My ex-husband isn't her biological parent either, but has been in my daughter's life since the beginning. So, in my mind I feel that my daughter should recognize me with the bloodline relationship attachment I deserve. My ex-husband has been remarried for only five or six years.

I told my daughter that I felt that the biological grandparents should be referenced as such, and that the step-grandparents could have another name of their choice. I told my daughter that I felt strongly that I didn't want to share the name Grandma with her step-mom. Likewise, I was willing for my husband not to claim Grandpa.

My daughter agreed with me. Since the baby's birth, our agreement has been broken because of my ex-husband's reaction to my request. He became really angry with my daughter and me. He informed me that his wife will be respected, and will be called Grandma. I responded by pointing out that he was not respecting me, and was putting our daughter in the middle. My daughter has now given in to her dad, and the baby will refer to his wife as Grandma anyway.

I'm so crushed about the situation. I'm the one that feels disrespected now by my daughter. I don't want to be referred to by my grandchild with a name that is shared with another female who is not biologically related. Moreover, I'm not sure that I'm mature enough to just dismiss the situation and accept my option. I feel so hurt and disrespected that I wonder if I should withdraw from the situation all together. I know my attitude isn't healthy for anyone concerned, especially my grandson. However, I can't emotionally get over the lack of respect in honoring my request. I would greatly appreciate a response. I'm having a difficult time with the dynamic of the emotional and psychological aspects attached to this situation.

Krista
 

Grandboomers received the following responses to Krista's letter:

Krista,

I just found the Grandboomers site this morning and it is great! I read your posting and I understand how you must feel, even though my grandchildren situation is not the same as yours. I think all the other responses that have been posted are right about trying not to let it get to you. Remember, YOU are the mommy's mommy, and that gives you a special place that no one else can claim.

Remain close to your daughter and you will likely see and be able to be with your grandchild more than certain "others", and after all, isn't that more important than a name? And if your ex-husband isn't able to see why this is important to you, refuses to respect your wishes, and isn't man enough to tell his wife that they need to refer to her as something other than Grandma, well...maybe this is why you aren't married anymore! Believe me, the time you spend with your grandson and the love you give him will make you unique and priceless to him. The smiles he gives you will be more special...the little arms he holds out to you will be quicker.

Make your times together memorable and extra special and try not to let your ex see how bothered you are by his lack of respect. Maybe he's enjoying it.

Thanks,
Carol
 

Krista,

I'm soon to be a first time grandmother and I have the dilemna of what to be called. Growing up, my children had 3 sets of grandparents because my mom and dad are divorced. There was never any hard feelings of who was called what.

My Mom and Stepdad are Noni and Papa. My Dad and Stepmom are Grandpa Jack and Grandma Lee. And last but not least, my husband's Mom and Dad were the traditional Grandma and Grandpa. Everyone is happy with the naming convention. My kids (now 29 and 27) usually call Grandpa Jack - just plain Grandpa in person or sometimes Papa Jack. Grandma Lee is Grandma in person. The Jack and Lee were for descriptive purpose. After all these years, I cannot remember how the names evolved.

Now here's my dilema... All of the Grandparents except for my dear father-in-law are still living. So what names does that leave me and my husband so that our grandchild is not confused (We are in our early 50s)? This is going to be one lucky kid to have so many grandparents!

Thanks,
Paula
 

Krista,

Like all the other Grandboomers, I adore the website. After reading your letter I felt the urge to respond.

I'm the proud grandmother of a beautiful 9-month-old baby girl and can't wait for her to start talking. Hopefully she'll create a special name for me just as my kids did for their grandmothers. My husband's mother was dubbed Bum Bum by our daughter. When Tara was small, she'd go into another room out of her grandmother's sight. Lizzie would immediately go to find her and would say, "Bum Bum Bum...Here I come!" Then they'd have a game of chase. Tara would grin the biggest grin, call her Bum Bum, and take off running. Of course the name stuck. My mother was called Mama Charlie. My dad had nicknamed her Charlie when we were kids so Mama Charlie was fitting. Also, I have a good friend that is called O-ya because of her dog and another called Ga-Gaw because the grandbaby can't say Paw Paw.

I think it's awesome when grandparents get those special names that aren't shared by anyone. So, Krista, we'll hope your baby does the same for you. One thing's for sure. No matter what that baby calls you, your heart is going to melt. Don't sweat the small stuff. There's so much of life to enjoy with this new treasure and it's not worth having a family argument. I for one can attest to Dawn's comment [See letter below.] of not worrying about the silly stuff. My husband was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 3 years ago and so far we're winning the battle. Every day is precious to us and this grandbaby has been the icing on the cake. She's what's given her Poppy the reason to fight the fight. I know the first time she calls either of us anything, we'll become mush. lol.

Hang in there!

Alecia
 

Krista,

I believe that there are way more important things to worry about than what your grandson calls anyone. Your daughter made the right decision for now as far as I am concerned because the baby will eventually call everyone by a name he is most comfortable with when he gets older anyway.

I am in the same situation as you as far as being the biological mother and my husband is the step-father. As far as we are all concerned here anyway I am mima (mema) and my husband will be Grandpa until the baby can talk and call us what ever it wants and is comfortable with. Our grandchild is due this March. Life is way too short to worry about something so silly. Get over this and move on, you don't want to miss out on watching your grandson grow up and if you keep up this attitude you may just miss out on the most important part of your families life all together.

Dawn
 

Grandboomers, if you have your own response to these letters, then send your advice or similar stories to: letters@grandboomers.com

Looking For Some Advice

I enjoyed the article in this morning's Kansas City Star regarding names we Boomers wanted to be called by our g-children. I am 58 years of age and chose to be called Mimi. I was pleased to read that I am not the only one who chose not to be called the typical grandparent names.

My children live in Virginia Beach so I don't get to seem them often. Of late, when I call and ask to speak to them my daughter either says they're outside playing or watching television and doesn't want to disturb them while they're quiet. I was hurt and upset; how would you have handled the situation?

Joyce

Grandboomers, have you had an experience similar to that described in this letter? Help out your fellow Grandboomer some suggestions and send them along to: letters@grandboomers.com

Great-Grandboomer-to-Be

I saw an article in our newspaper about what "Grandparent name" you might want to be called. I am 49 years old and I am already a step-grandmother of nine (ranging in age from 21 - 4). The older grands call me "Grandma Sherri" because when I met them I was not married to their grandfather yet. Since the marriage, we've had another grand-daughter (#9) and since I've never really loved the name "Grandma Sherri", I had plans for the little one to call me "Grammi". As well as this child has always been able to talk, she would call me "Granny" not "Grammi". I am not anyone's "Granny", now or ever. Too young...too pretty... Granny conjurs up visions of Irene Ryan from "The Beverly Hillbillies".

Needless to say, she now calls me "Grandma Sherri" like her older siblings. I have a 27-year-old son but he doesn't have any children yet. I have always been partial to "Nana" which is what we called our grandmother. And I want his children to call me that or an ethnic name. I just don't know what the ethnic names for "grandmother" are.

I am of African-American and Native-American descent. I don't know what tribe we're from in either culture. Can you please help me find something for grandmother and great-grandmother? If you can't find anything for great-grandmother don't worry about it because I'm leaning towards "GG". With grands entering their 20's, I may become a great-grandmother sooner than I think!!

Thank you,
Sherri (Grandma Sherri)

Grandboomers, can you help out your fellow grandparent with some suggestions? Send them along to letters@grandboomers.com

Call Her Nona

I have just read many of your letters regarding the different names that grandparents wish to be called. For myself, there was never any doubt. My parents were immigrants from Italy in the early 1900's, and came to Canada with their parents and grandparents. I called my grandmother "Nonna" and my grandfather "Nonon" (pronounced nonung). My three children's spouses were not of Italian descent, but I insisted that they call me Nonna, which was quickly shortened to Nona. I have 8 grandchildren, between the ages of 27 and 17, and they all call me Nona. Now I have two great-granddaughters and they call me "Bizi." In Italian the term for great-grandmother is Bisnonna, which means twice nonna, therefore...Bizi. I think its great.

Nona -- Bizi

So Many Grandboomers

Our family is unique! My partner, Bev, and her ex-husband, Ralph, divorced when their children were young. Ralph eventually married Betty, and Bev and I became a couple. Our oldest daughter, Chris, married and eventually divorced Peter, who is Italian, and then met her now husband, Christopher. Our youngest daughter, Susan, married Marc, who is Philippino. Our grandchildren have the following list of grandparents/great-grandparents:

Grandma (Bev) and Auntie Sam (me)
Nana Dot (my Mother)
Nana (Bev's Mother)
Grampa (Ralph) & Grandma Betty
Gran (Ralph's Mother)
Grampa Robert and Grandma Hope (Christopher's parents)
Lola (Philippino for Grandmother - Marc's Mother)
Nonna and Nonno (Italian for Grandmother and Grandfather - Peter's parents)

To say that my grandchildren (Nick, 16; Ashley-Rose, 14; Anthony, 11; Madison, 4 days) are blessed is an understatement!!! The only thing they have to do is remember what name belongs to what grandparent!

Auntie Sam

Maagah and Granddad

I'm "Maagah" to Madeline, age 9, and Matthew, age 7. When Madeline was about a year old she called me "Maagah" and that's been my name ever since. I do miss the days when baby Matthew called me GaGa.

My husband has, always, been "Granddad."

Kathleen

Grandma Big Mama

I just became aware of your site, and absolutely love it. I was a young (16) single mom living at home with my mom and sibling so my daughter never called me mom. She called me by my first name her whole life. She gave birth to my grandaughter 3 years ago. Naturally I was concerned about why my grandaughter would be calling me. I definitely didn't want her calling me by my first name. Well, low and behold, my daughter came up with a name that I was unsure at first. But now I love it when I hear him call out, "I love you big mama"! Yes, my grandboomer names is Big Mama, and boy does it fit. I love it!!!

Robin

A Name For a Young Grandboomer

My name is Bobbi Jo and my oldest son and his wife have decided to make me a grandmother. I am only 39 years old and I have no idea what I want my grandchild to call me, but I know I don't want to be called Meme, Granny, or Grandma Bobbi. I would like something unique. Can you please help me out? My husband also is afraid of being called Grandma Bobbi's husband since he is not the biological father of my son. Can you help him out too?

Thanks,
Bobbi
 

Grandboomers.com received the following sympathetic response to Bobbi Jo's letter:
 

Hello,

This is in response to a letter from Bobbi Jo. I too am a soon to be a 39-year-old grandmother who is struggling with what I want this baby to call me and my husband, who is also not my daughter's biological father, but same as. If you get a really good suggestion please help as I haven't came up with the perfect fit yet.

Thanks,
Valerie

Grandboomers, can you help out your fellow grandparents with some suggestions? Send them along to letters@grandboomers.com

Grandma Monga

I read your newspaper article about names the babies and toddlers call their grandparents. My friend's grandmother's name is Nancy, so the whole family calls her Grancy. My cousin Jaylin, 2, calls our grandpa Papa, and we couldn't think of anything to call our grandma. We were going to call her Nana, but my aunt said thats what she calls bananas. Somehow Jaylin came up with "Monga."

Just thought you'd like to know.

Lisa

Looking for Quiet Toys

I have a question for the other grandparents of my generation. Where are the quiet toys? So many of the toys today are playing the computerized music, making strange noises, or talking at you. The constant noise is nerve-racking and sensory overload for the children. I know they are suppose to "educational" but it is the quiet toys that develop the imagination and teach the children to think. Is it just me or are there others who believe the toy companies have gone overboard with the noise factor?

Concerned Grandma

Don't Call Me Grandma

I love reading your letters! I am about to be a first time "grandmother" any day and like many of your readers I do not wish to be called Grandma! I am in my early forties and do not fit the Grandmother image. I come from Irish and French descents. My son's in-laws are Canadian and they will be called Memme and Pippe. So can you help me find something different?

Kathleen

Needs a Name for Grandpa

I typed in a web search to find other names for "grandpa" and found your site. I've enjoyed reading the letters from other "grandboomers." (What a cute term!) Our daughter and son-in-law are expecting their first child in April, and that will be our first grandchild. I am going to be called Luna. It's a favorite little restaurant of ours in New York's Little Italy, and we have some special family memories from visits there. We're looking for a fun name for my husband. Children have always loved him and think he's so funny. Any suggestions?

Karen (Luna-to-be)

Call Me Sweetie

My daughter made a grandmother at age 44, which was way too young to suit me so I decided that rather than being called grandma, mawmaw, or such, my granddaughter should call me Sweetie. You would not believe how sweet it sounds to hear her say, "I love you, Sweetie!" I get lots of comments about what a wonderful name this is and lots of my friends and acquaintances have decided to be called Sweetie when the time comes for them to be a grandmother.

Kathy

Leave the Names Up to Them

What a great site!!

We have four grown grandchildren who so far have given us four great-grands. We have so much fun with them.

The oldest is a 2 1/2 year-old girl named Devon. Then there is her sister, Elaina, who is two. These two little girls belong to the same granddaughter. Then we have Klayre who was just two in December. She belongs to our other granddaughter. These two mothers are sisters. Then we have one great-grandson whose name is Derrick and he was a year old in January.

We never tried to get these babies to call us anything, just left it up to them since they all have other great-grandparents plus two sets of grandparents.

Our oldest, Devon, calls us Gramma and Grandpapa, and his sister calls us Gramma and Grampa. Our third, Klayre, calls us Poppa and Jamma. And our little Derrick doesn't call us anything yet.

We are so thankful that God let us live long enough to know these wonderful little people.

Keep up the good work on your site.

Joyce

Anything but "Granny"

I just read an article in my local newspaper - "My Name Is Not Granny" by Gayle White and discovered your web site. The article hit home with me.

We have three daughters. Our oldest, Jennifer, is 2 years older than her sister Hollie. When Hollie was learning to speak, she heard "nanny" in the word "Jennifer" and that became her older sister's name. Then as Hollie grew older, she called her Jennifer.

Then seven years later we had our third daughter, Laura. Again, Laura heard the word "nanny" in Jennifer's name and so the old nickname was revived for a few more years.

When Jennifer was 20, she gave birth to our first granddaughter and I struggled with the name Alycia would call me. Grammie, Granny, Gran, all sounded terribly old in my mind.

When Alycia began speaking and giving us names, she called me "Nanny" and the other grandmother "Grandma." I don't know how she ever knew the "G" word was not for me. I call it a coincidence...but I also call coincidences little miracles of God.

We are very close, Alycia and I, and sometimes she calls me Nan...like a friend's name.

Also, I am blessed to work in the office of the elementary school which Alycia attends. Now she has to learn to call me by my Mrs. name.

Kathy

Help with a New Name

For real lack of a name, try being a grandparent-in-common-law! My live-in "boyfriend" of many years became a Grandpa. What does that make me? No one knows what attribute to use. The grandchild calls me by my first name. Anyone else with this dilemma?

In Limbo in Massachusetts

Grandboomers, can you help out your fellow grandparent with some suggestions? Send them along to letters@grandboomers.com

Save Those Letters, Grandboomers

When I married my husband, he had most of what he owned in a couple of boxes. One box was of letters to and from his parents, siblings, and friends during WWII. Forty-two years later, I have gone through all the letters and catalogued them in fourteen volumes for our children and grandchildren. His parents, two brothers and many friends have died, but I have preserved a sense of life during that incredible time.

Shirley

Hearing Granna's Voice

As I sit here writing this letter I am looking at pictures of my first grandbaby. He was named after his mommy's nearest and dearest grandfather...and my grandson fits the name well. He like all grandbabies is "the" most gorgeous baby on this entire earth. Before he was born I knew I wanted to be called Nana, as that was what my kids called my mom and I called my maternal grandmother and I wanted to keep that name alive. I was satisfied with that as I knew that even though my grandson has only two grandfathers he has 3 grandmothers (one step) and 4 great grandmothers and 1 step great grandmother. When he was born he spent a week in the neonatal intensive care unit with breathing problems and blood clotting problems. The first time I held him in the hospital I cried (when his aunt was a baby she had open heart surgery). Seeing him in such a vunerable state was frightening and made me remember why our children are so precious. When he was brought home his parents were soon bombarded with family wanting to see the newest family member. I was not working then and stayed with my daughter and grandson during the day to help out. I told her my only stipulation she had to enforce was for ALL people to wash their hands before holding the baby and if they were sick to stay AWAY. My daughter said she could not do that and so I DID. I soon looked at my role of new grandmother as something that I took much more seriously than I saw my mother or grandmother do. I decided that the name Nana was not something I wanted anymore and started to call myself GRANNA whenever I talked to my grandson, telling him he was "Granna's little man" or "Granna's baby." My daughter heard that and wondered why I changed what I was calling myself to my grandson...so I explained why. I laugh now because I am and was always a take charge mom and my daughter has frequently said I am a take charge grandmother. My grandson recently moved 900 miles away and I dearly miss rocking him, his smile, touch, hugs, kisses and just holding him. I call there frequently and talk to him...my daughter has a speaker phone and he still squeals with delight every time he hears me call his name. It doesn't replace holding him but it sure feels good to know he still knows Granna's voice.

Granna

Grandmutter is Beautiful

My granddaughter's attempt to say grandmother came out "grandmutter" and I loved it. So that's my email name and the name I love to hear the most. Coming from my sweet 4-year-old's lips, it is the most beautiful sound in the world.

Carolyn

Another Long Distance Grandboomer

I just found this website and I LOVE it. Sadly, I too am a long distance grandparent. However, my first grandson, age 11 and living 1100 miles from us, is so close with me that it is as if we lived in the same town. Yes, it has cost a lot in airline tickets and driving back a few times and many, many long distance calls but it has all been worth it.

However, our oldest son moved to Colorado, got married, started a business and we got to experience the birth of a grandchild right here. I immediately went to my employer and asked to work 4 days a week so that I could have Friday with Tyler. It was heaven. I got to bond with him for 2 1/2 years. Just before his 2nd birthday, his sister Caitlin was born (a GIRL at last) and life was perfect. A year ago December, the whole family moved back to Michigan which was heart wrenching for us.

When the kids moved away, they bought us a nifty little gadget known as a video phone. They bought one for us and one for them. I think it was bought at Circuit City. By making a phone call, your TV is connected to theirs and you actually see each other on the screen. It is much like what you see on CNN so there is some "delay" with your actual movements but you see them on the full screen and you see yourself in a "miniature" corner of the screen. Tyler came up to the TV screen and kissed it. Though it cannot replace the hugs and close up stuff, it is surely the next best thing. The kids see your face, hear your voice, maybe even see many of the toys they play with at your house. Why not read them a book via the video phone?

I am so thankful that I found this web site because I believe we all experience the same kinds of feelings where our grandkids are concerned and it is nice to network and help each other as we move along in life watching our babies raise their babies.

Judy

The Rewards of Being a Grandparent

I'm so glad that I came across your website - I love reading the letters from other grandparents. I have 2 grandaughters, Olivia Shea who is 2 1/2, and Abigail Eloise who is 3 months. I took care of Olivia from the time she was 2 months old for 2 days a week until just recently when she started preschool and now I have Abigail 2 days a week while mom and dad work.

I really believe that being a grandparent is God's reward for hanging in there with our kids while they were growing up. I love my 2 little granddaughters so much and although I miss taking care of Olivia, I will have all the fun of taking care of Abigail and teaching her all the things I taught Olivia. And in response to all the worried questions about what your grandkids should call you, just keep saying over and over the name you'd like to be called and they'll come up with something that you'll just love and will be special just for you! I am Gramma to my granddaughters, and Gramma Cheryl to my email friends!

Cheryl

Another New Grandboomer

I just became a grandma Aug. 20 of a little 3 lb. premie named Gage. They say he will never walk, talk, or feed himself but we know God is bigger than that. So when Gage says his "Grandma" to me I want it to be a special name, for I know he will talk. Whatever he calls me, I know it will make me cry. God bless all us grandparents. Thanks for this fun site.

Tina

Nana's Coloring Book

What a wonderful website you have. I was enjoying the letters when I thought maybe I should tell you some of the things I'm doing for my grandchildren. My only daughter has one stepdaughter who is eleven, a biological daughter who is two and a half, and a son that will soon be fourteen months. I love them so much it's scary.

Due to the fact that both sets of grandparents are divorced and remarried, except for me, the children have a total of eight grandparents. (I count my mother as the eighth since she lives with me.) And my daughter was the first grandchild in her father's family and the only one for five years, so his three sisters spoiled her rotten. Because of these circumstances she grew up very close to her aunts and regarded them almost as close as her parents were to her. The problem is that the little ones know all of these people but aren't sure what relationship they are. Of course, they are too little to know right now but later they will want to know.

I have made them a "coloring book" of all of their relations and significant people in their lives. For instance, I take a digital picture of either individuals or groups of family members. Then I use the software that came with the camera to make a copy of the print in the "color book" mode listed under "Special Effects." I print the color picture and the color book picture on the same page with a paragraph telling how that person is related to them and a little about them. I have also put in pictures of their godparents, babysitter, and hairdresser. I laminate each page with heavy laminate (10mm.) with a hot laminator and punch holes in them and use a three ring binder to keep them together. That way they can color on them with wax crayons and they won't destroy the pictures.

Another thing I do is to make a calendar each month with recent pictures of the babies. For instance, the last pictures I took of them in March are on my April calendar. I cropped them and superimposed bunny ears on for Easter. When they grow up they will always be able to see how they grew from month to month.

They are so much fun. I try to document family traditions and fun things we did as children so my grandchildren will know more about their heritage.

Jan (a.k.a. 'Nana')

Let Your Grandchild Give You a Name

My children have two grandmas with the same first name. Even though the spelling is different, they get confused. We tried to do Grandma C and Grandma K, but because the last name of Grandma Kathy starts with a "C" it was still confusing.

Also on another note, my father when he first became a grandfather did not want to be called "papa." But when my son did it on his own it didn't matter what he called him. My advice is to let your grandchildren call you what ever they can say the easiest. The first time they call you by whatever they decide your name is, it'll make your heart melt.

Michelle

Cherish Your Time with the Grandchildren

My husband and I, both in our early 50's, have two grandchildren, a boy 3, and girl 1 1/2 years old. Biological for my husband and step for me. We have been married for almost 25 years. What a joy these two children are. Once every month or so we have them overnight for a night or two - it's a lot of work, but very rewarding.....while we teach them about life, they in turn teach us what life is really all about, and what really matters.

Of all the grandparents, we live the farthest away, so we see them the least, but we do cherish the time we do have with them. Although we are in a step situation, each grandparent has their own special name....Grandpa (my husband), Grandma (me), Nana, Oma, and Opa, so it all works out fine. My most favorite time is when we have the grandchildren on their own and then we can let loose, have fun, and be silly. Then we have the BEST times! I am very blessed for having this life experience. My heart truly melts each time I hear the word "Grandma."

Grandma

So Many Grandparents

I found your website by accident when looking for alternative names for grandmother, and think it's great! I have enjoyed reading every word posted.

I, like so many others, want to be called something besides Grandmother, Grandma, etc. I believe children will give you special names of their own when they learn to talk by the things you do and say. My daughter is the oldest grandchild on my side of the family so she named my mother and then changed my mother-in-law's name. Of course they were very unusual.

When I was growing up, my mother, Evelyn, had telephone duty for a month's stretch in the local welcome wagon for my dad's work. The phone seem glued to her ear 24-7. My dad had the funniest sense of humor so he nicknamed her Telephone Charlie. Well....the "Charlie" stuck. All our friends began calling her that. When my daughter came along she dubbed her Mama Charlie and of course all nine of the grandkids call her that. Even the kids at my school and all the grandkids' friends call her Mama Charlie. I don't know if anyone remembers her as Evelyn anymore.

My mother-in-law, Lizzie, was always called Grandmother by the older grandchildren who were much older than my children. When Tara was toddling around she'd go into the kitchen and be very quiet. Lizzie would call her from the den and as she'd go to see what Miss Tara was getting into, she'd deepen her voice and say, "Bum Bum Bum here I come!!!" and she would chase her. Of course this quickly became a game. When Tara learned to talk the first thing she'd do was deepen that little voice and say, "BUM BUM!" Naturally we fell in love with the name and hence she became Bum Bum. Both my children and all the great grandchildren called her that.

I have two friends whose grandchildren call them unusual names. Kathy is Nana Boo Boo because she'd purposely mess up singing Old MacDonald Had a Farm, giving the animals different sounds. Her granddaughter would say "Nana made a boo boo!", which eventually turned into Nana Boo Boo. It makes us laugh too, because Kathy's birthday is on Halloween!! My other friend Carolyn is called Oya. Pronounced O-yah (long O, short A sounds). She would pick her grandson up from daycare and keep him until his mom got home from work. Carolyn had a German shepherd named Dakota and when they drove into the driveway he would bark. Carolyn would say, "There's Ole Dakota!" At first her grandson began calling her Ole Dodo. We roared with laughter and her son-in-law loved it. Eventually it shortened down to Oya and stuck.

My daughter recently married and although she isn't planning on beginning a family any time soon, I still smile with anticipation of what I might be called one day by her little girl. If her imagination is as good as her mother's I'm sure it'll be something unique and hopefully funny. Whatever, I'm sure it'll be special.

Thanks for the great reading and all your effort in maintaining this website. I'm looking forward to reading it for many years to come.

Alecia

Chief of All the Grandpas

I just found your site and am so pleased! I spent months discussing what name I wanted our first grandchild to call me (and I thought I was the only one who refused to leave it to chance!). I came up with Nan -- which I didn't see in any of the letters I just read. It's short and easy to say and has meaning in our family. My mother's nickname was Nan, and my brothers and I called our Nana "Nan" for short when we were older. My husband is called "Chief," copying my own father's chosen grandfather name! Everyone loves that. When my daughter was 3 she once told a friend that he was "Chief of all the Grandpas."

(Name withheld)

What to Call Me?

Hi there, from sunny Florida!

When my first grandchild was born, I decided I didn't want to be Grandma, so I looked up the Irish version, which is Maimeo. Hmmm, I thought about that for awhile, and then about my Godmother Maime, who was also Irish like my Grandmother. So, I am now "MaiMai," my own version, pronounced maymay. I just think you should think it over, and a name will eventually come to you that feels right. My daughter is now pregnant, due in July, and she said I picked this name because it is the closest to "Mommy" I could get! Maybe she is right. I can't wait for this one, especially because my grandaughter lives in Mississippi and I don't get to see her very often. My daughter lives an hour away, so I hope to have many happy days ahead.

Sincerely,
MaiMai

Staying in Touch Long Distance

Here’s a question that many others face. How do you keep good contact with your grandchild when he/she lives 2,800 miles away? We’re in the Boston area and our first Granddaughter lives in Oregon.

Has anyone had any experience with video taping the grandparents reading to the distant child? Any tips on what works best?

Thanks,
Steve

 
Dear Steve,

Oh, the good news and the bad news about the age we live in! The good news is that opportunities abound for folks to live and work and raise their families throughout our country and the world. The bad news is the resulting distance and longing to be an intimate part of our grandchildren's lives.

But wait. There's more good news! Thanks to the technology available today, there are more ways to communicate over long distances than ever before.

It sounds like your grandchild (children?) are on the younger side. Your idea of videotaping your storytime sounds wonderful. We have not heard from other Grandboomers who have used this way of staying in touch. Perhaps, while reading any age-appropriate book on tape, your grandchild can simultaneously turn the pages of his/her own copy of the book. Though nothing can really replace the snuggles and hugs of "live" storytime, how about sending your grandchild a special "Grandpa snuggle toy" to hold during the story. A phone call, either before or after the story, can add a real-time aspect to the connection.

With older grandchildren, long-distance interaction is easier using the computer for instant messaging, emails, photos, etc. Long-distance games can be played. Shopping can be done online. A family web site is often used for large and small families to stay connected.

So, until the next family reunion (I hope it's in Oregon! I hear it's beautiful!), keep sending the care and love to your grandchildren. They'll always feel like you're close.

Sincerely,
Grandma Jane

Swiss Italian Grandboomers

What do they call Grandma and Grandpa in Italian and in Swiss Italian?

Thanks,
Beverly

 
Dear Beverly,

Ah, Italy! Beautiful country, beautiful people, beautiful cuisine and a beautiful language! But I digress. On to your question.

Our search shows that "Nonna" and "Nonno" are the Italian words for grandmother and grandfather, respectively. We could not find a different word in "Swiss Italian" as you requested. Maybe a more knowledgable reader can write us with the answer.

In any case, we wish you much happiness with your grand-bambino ( or bambina?).

Sincerely,
Grandma Jane

Too Young for "Grandma"

HELP!

I'm too young to be called GRANDMA!!! I need to find a wonderful, meaningful name for grandma. I'm divorced and don't want to be called "Grandma Gregg." The baby already has a Great-grandma Gregg and (step) Grandma Gregg. Hopefully Prince Charming will come along soon, and I want a name that doesn't change.

Thank you,
Debby

 
Dear Debby,

Sounds like your quest for the best-fitting moniker has to do with both family circumstances and your own sense of identity.

Like many others these days, divorce and remarriage have resulted in multiple sets of grandparents, and in your case, multiple generations of grandparents. Having more than one Grandma Gregg will get to be confusing. Is this your biological grandchild, or a step-grandchild? In either event, is there a particular name you feel comfortable with that doesn't include a proper name? For example, Grammy, Nana or Nanny. Or how about combining one of those with your own name to fashion something unique? Grebby? Danna? Debma?

Also, as we Baby Boomer women were told back in the 1970's...why wait for Prince Charming? Grandma Debby is a name that won't change no matter who you may marry.

But most of all, enjoy the special relationship that only you will provide your grandchild.

Sincerely,
Grandma Jane

Triplet Grandboomer

I am so happy I came upon this site. I am a grandmother of triplet grandbabies, 2 1/2. My daughter had three invetros at $13,000 a piece, and the last one took which resulted in the triplets. I more or less put my life on hold for the first year and a half, and help her at least 2 days a week now. The babies come to my house and spend the night occasionally and I love having them. I didn't know I could love as deeply as I do these grandchildren. My problem is my daughter. She acts like she never wants them around, and tries to get away from them at every chance. My son-in-law works and comes home and watches them while she goes out shopping, or just getting away.

She also has a couple of girls that come in twice a week while she goes visiting or anything to just get out of the house. I sometimes wonder if she loves the babies, and it is breaking my heart. I feel so guilty all the time for not being there 24 hours a day. I am married, and have been for 24 years, but am thinking of divorcing my husband and moving in with her. It's not like she doesn't get any breaks, but she has no control over the children and they are good for everyone but her. I tried getting her to see a therapist, but she sees nothing wrong. My question, should I give up my life and move in with her, to make sure the babies get enough attention and love. I am at wits end.

Thanks

 
Dear Grandboomer,

Congratulations on being a caring grandma to your three grandchildren. It's wonderful for the grandkids to have a special and close relationship with their grandma.

There are many concerning issues that you raise. It is well beyond the scope of this web site to give advice regarding staying married or not, but let me touch on a few points.

I imagine that anyone would feel quite overwhelmed caring for triplets. Sometimes what appears to be indifference could be an inability to cope with stress or depression. I agree with your advice to your daughter to seek professional help. However, not everyone feels ready to do so. Perhaps expressing your concerns to your son-in-law would gain his support in helping your daughter seek counseling. You certainly would not want your concern to be taken as your criticism of your daughter's parenting. That may only add to her burdens.

When you bring up the issue of divorce, it makes me wonder when you began to consider this option for yourself? Although in some ways it may seem to be a solution to several problems, it's probably a good idea to tackle one problem at a time. And to do that, I would offer you the same advice that you offered your daughter: seek professional help. Having a professional listen and help you sort through your different concerns may prevent you from making a hasty decision that you may later regret.

Sincerely,
Grandma Jane

Grandparents From Ireland

What name do children in Ireland use for their grandmothers?

 
Dear Grandboomer,

According to www.celticnationsworld.com:

"The standard Irish words for GRANDMOTHER and GRANDFATHER are Seanmhathair (Shann-wah-hur)and Seanathair (Shann-ah-hur). However there is a lot of dialect difference in Irish & Scottish Gaelic and in some regions they would say it differently. For example, in Tir Conall in the north Grandmother is meitheir mhor (mweh-hur wor) and grandfather is eitheir mor (eh-hur mor). Maimeo (mamm-o) and Daideo (dadd-o) are colloquial and like our grandma and grandpa."

We hope this helps.

Love Letters

I just happened upon your collection of WWII "Love Letters". It is wonderful that you were able to rescue such a historical treasure from it's unknown flea market fate.

I have had similar luck in the past year. While antique searching through an old home willed to an acquaintance of mine, I found a large box of love letters written from a young Private to his sweetheart (and later wife), shortly before and during WWII. There are a total of 647 letters written from 1938-1946. Remarkably, he averaged 200 letters a year home to his wife during wartime!

The similarities between the letters you've printed and the ones I have are striking. Local news, updates on other local soldiers, guessing at timing for furloughs and trying to schedule around certain "dates" of the month, taking care of his car for him and worrying about rations... it's all the same topics and a similar fashion. I only have about 80 letters from the lady to the private, the remainder are from him to her.

It has been quite an undertaking to read and document such a larger number of letters, but it has been such an enjoyable and touching one, that it has become my passion. I'm glad to see you too were touched by what you found and chose to share it with your readers.

Sincerely,
Johnna
 

Naming Grandma and Grandpa

Who usually gets to choose what a child should call his or her grandparent, the parents or the grandparents? My daughter-in-law wants everyone to be called Grandma and Grandpa, thinking that the baby will come up with his own names for us. The problem is we all live in different states and we won't see him enough for him to be able to call us what ever he wants. I think we should all be called something different so he can learn who is who over the phone and in pictures. I would love some advice. Thank you.

(Name withheld)

Dear Grandboomer,

First of all, congratulations on being the proud grandparent of your grandson! It appears from your letter that you are already thinking of ways to stay close to him. That's wonderful for the whole family.

We at Grandboomers feel that it is always the wishes of the parents that should come first. However, that is not to say that you should not express to your son and daughter-in-law what your thoughts and feelings are on the matter. Nor should you neglect to listen to, and try to understand, their point of view. The important aspect is that you want to have a close relationship with your grandson, and you want him to know you in a special way.

If your son wants his son to call everyone Grandma or Grandpa, think about other ways in which you can establish a special identity for your grandson to know you. For instance, are there any hobbies or talents that you enjoy? What are the special events or sights in your geographical area? Through email and regular mail, you can send all sorts of photos, stories or poems that tell him who you are and what you like to do. He probably will come up with a unique name for you which will be all the more special because it will have come from your grandson!

And remember...the better the relationship with your son and daughter-in-law, the better the relationship with your grandson. Good luck and enjoy!

Grandma Jane at Grandboomers

Acorns Don't Fall Far From the Tree

What to Call a Grandboomer? I am a grand boomer, and that right there sounds pretty neat. When I found out I was to be a grandparent (wow, when did I get old?) I was a bit overcome. I didn't want to join the ranks of the GrandmaB, NanaG, etc. We had "Grandpa with a cold sore," nope, I wasn't interested in going there.

A friend told me that Grandma was just a term. Whether I was known as Grandma or Tree Stump, the baby would love me. Hence, my name. I am Stumpy, a tree stump, and the acorns don't fall far from this tree. No one will ever have to ask which person you are referring to when "Stumpy" is named. It's a solid name and one which I have grown into. Maybe one day I will become a Grandma, but I doubt it.

Motown

Call Her Gran

Being a new Grandmother, I was just "over the moon." For whatever the reason, I didn't hesitate when asked what I'd like to be called. It's "Gran" - short and sweet, works for us all. Love your site.

Mary

Grandma Mam

My name is Debbie and I just found this site. My grandson is 2. When he was 1 he started calling me "Mam" and the name has stuck. I love it because he came up with it on his own. I would have loved anything he chose to call me. My husband is Owen's step grandfather, and he is called "Pa." Owen chose the name for him also. I watch him 3 days a week. His mommy works those days, so my son and his wife didn't have to ask. I asked them to let me watch him and I wouldn't have it any other way. I started keeping him when he was 1 1/2 months old. We love him to pieces.

Mam, Debbie

Four Generations

Saw a note on your site in the Dallas Morning News, so I looked you up. What I see I like!

Turning 50 for most people is depressing, but not me. The Grandbabies starting coming and I feel great.

My youngest son and his wife have 2 children, a girl 4, a boy 18 months, and my eldest son has a little girl now three. To my grandchildren, I am called Gram and my husband is Poppy. I love to hear their little voices yelling "Gram!" as they run thru the house to find me. I can remember going up to the daycare to pick up the kids. The ladies at the front said, "So, you're Gram." They hear about me all the time. Really makes my day!

There are several sets of grandparents and great-grandparents in our family mixture. The great-grandparents are Granny, Pappap, Grandma, and the grandparents are Gram and Poppy, MiMi and PawPaw, Nonnie and J. The kids seem to call each of us be our chosen names and don't seem to be confused.

Just thought I would let you know our story.

Mamma and Bampie

I am a 50-year-old grandmother of three granddaughters and two grandsons. They all call me Mamma or Maama. I chuckle to myself when one of them answers with yes Maa'm. My husband is called Bampie. Our oldest grandaughter started these names and they continued with each newcomer.

I don't think we can always choose the name we would like to be called but we can cherish each tiny voice that calls the name. We never for one minute could have predicted the names that would come to our first grandaughter's mind.

Mamma and proud of it.

Glenda Robertson, grandmother of Courtney, Anthony, Kelsey, Emma and Garrett

Too Many Grandparents?

Although I do believe that a child can never have too much love or attention, I feel in this day of divorce and remarriage some children who have varied sets of grandparents may not be all that excited about being together for family activities.

Maybe it is jealousy, resentment, or unresolved issues, but I do not know how to handle these situations. I have tried to behave civilly. I would like to take a pass on some of these events but then feel I will lose out on being with my grandchildren.

(Name withheld)

Dear Grandboomer,

Your feelings about the complexities of blended families is both honest and shared. The picture of a happily-ever-after stepfamily sometimes belies the difficulty of adjusting to the situation. After all, stepfamilies are founded on loss. That is, the loss of the hope of a lifelong family union. Unfortunately, as grandparents we cannot control the relationship outcomes of our children. However, we can learn to define our own hopes and needs as we also compromise and honor the hopes and needs of other family members.

Of course you cannot be expected to enjoy all family gatherings, or all family members, for that matter. If someone is putting pressure on you to do so, perhaps it would help to explain your feelings. And, hopefully, you are not exerting that pressure on yourself!

Try finding quieter times and activities to share with your grandchildren. Show respect for all the relationships in your grandchildren's lives and they will love you for the special relationship that only you can share with them.

Best regards,
Grandma Jane

Another Unknowing Grandmother

Dear Grandboomers,

Three years ago my son revealed to the family that a young woman whom we barely know claimed to be pregnant. Throughout the pregnancy, he repeatedly stated he was not sure the child was his. My husband and I held back through the pregnancy and did not offer her any support what so ever. After the child was born (the date of her birth made it very clear the child was my son's!), we went to meet our granddaughter and her mother's family. They embraced us into their family and we have a wonderful, rewarding relationship with our granddaughter. My only regret was that I didn't acknowledge her pregnancy and I wasn't there when my granddaughter was born.

My son and his baby's mom are not together now, but I still share a good relationship with her and my granddaughter.

I say - go meet your granddaughter, make her a part of family, do not interfere with mommy's way of life and don't try to change things you do not agree with. She's been doing fine for 7 years and if you go in and try to impose your beliefs on her she will resent you.

Good Luck,
Karen

Raising Her Granddaughter

I have just found this site and I really like it. I am raising a 4-year-old granddaughter with my husband. It is very difficult and at times I feel very alone. This site lets me know I am not alone. I don't have the energy I used to have when raising her mother, but I try. I am called "Neeny" and I love that name. My real name is Denise, so I came up with a short version for her. I look forward to visiting your site again.

Thanks,
Neeny

Who Am I?

I just found your web page as I was searching for another word for Grandmother...

It is good to know that I am not the only one with the "Who am I?" issue. My first grandson has a total of five grandmothers. But I count three important ones. Anyway, one will be Nonna, another Grandma Sue, and I (Who am I?). I have a Irish, Polish background, way back. Can anyone tell me the words for grandmother in Gaelic or Polish? Thanks for any suggestions.

Diane

 
Hi Diane,

A name for a new grandparent is the topic of most of the letters we receive. The Polish word for grandmother is babcia. In Gaelic, you have more choices: seanmhair, grannee, mwarree, mwarree vooar, shenn shenn voir (I like the shenn shenn part of that one), shenn shenn warree, shen voir, shenn warree.

We've found that sounds that are easy for the child to say will help him/her to pronounce your name earlier. Use of Grandma before your first name is also popular...particularly in families with multiple grandmothers. I see you already have a Grandma Sue.

Good luck and let us know what you choose.

 
Later, we received a response to our suggestions:

Dear Grandboomers,

Thanks for the suggestions. I think I am going to try to have him call me "Grand Di." It will be interesting to see, over time, what it ends up as.

Thanks again.  

Grandmother Seeks Help with Daycare and Divorce Problems

I am having trouble in knowing if going into daycare full time is the right thing to do. I am now taking care of my 4-year-old grandson and 2-year-old grandaughter. I have the 2-year-old 10 hours a day, 5 days a week, and our grandson 4 hours a day, and for 10 hours one day a week. Four days a week as he goes to preschool. I receive $300 per month watching them.

My concern is the grandparent/grandchild relationship. They expect me to play with them all the while when they are with me. Otherwise, if I try to do anything they start to fight between each other or do mischievious things. I have noticed that when we go to their home they look at me like, "not you again!" The 4-year-old talks back to me, and says things that I don't have to listen to. I can handle that as far as it goes, but he's also made remarks saying that he doesn't want me to take care of him. My daughter is going through a divorce right now and I am trying to help her out in any way I can, but if doing daycare for my grandchildren is going to lose the so-called grandparent/grandchild relationship, is it worth it? I really need some advice on this since I am having second thoughts on what is the right thing to do.

Thank you,
Grandmother CRT

Dear Grandmother,

Wow...you are one busy lady! In addition to being a Grandma, it sounds like you're also doing a lot of co-parenting right now while your daughter is going through the divorce. Here are some thoughts from a Grandboomer about your situation.

First, regarding some of the behaviors of your grandchildren, it strikes me that this must be a very difficult time for them. Their parents are going through a divorce, and it sounds like they're not able to spend much time with either parent. Unfortunately for you, much of their stress about the family situation may be acted out under your watch. Has there been a change in their overall behavior since their parents separated? They're both still pretty young and don't yet have the capacity to verbalize many of the normal fears kids experience when parents are divorcing.

Second, you are also a mom and it sounds like you are trying to be supportive of your daughter. As overwhelmed as your daughter may be, it may be helpful to talk to her about your concerns. The grandkids will feel more comfortable with a clear and consistent set of rules which are endorsed by you and your daughter. Maybe the two of you can sit down together to discuss the behaviors which are causing problems. Please let her know your concerns about losing the positive qualities of the "grandparent-grandchild" relationship.

Finally, it's often difficult for family members to effectively communicate with each other in times of stress. If you and your daughter experience any difficulty, please consider using the support of a family therapist or member of the clergy.

Good luck! Please let us know how you make out. Divorce is a painful process for the whole family, including all generations. But it can also be an opportunity to grow closer in a positive way.

Best regards,
Grandma Jane

Supergran to the Rescue

My name is Linda. I have 3 granddaughters and 4 grandsons. I have only just found your site, and I think it's great.

My grandchildren call me "Supergran" because I can chase them to the top of a tree, take them into the bush to look for snake-tracks as well as kangaroos, possums. I do stuff with them that I didn't have time to do when my kids were young. I think being a granne is the best.

Best regards.
   

Just Call Me Fea

My daughter and I began raising her son together when she was 17. As our little guy started to talk, we taught him 'mama' fast enough. But, he refused to call me Grandma, Granny or Gran. Instead, the word that came out of his lips was Fi-Fi. It made me feel like a French Poodle. I was devastated. Still, his eyes would dance and sparkle the more I got frustrated and tried to get him to say Grandma. He was barely 18 months, but he knew how to tease me. I gave up and agreed to Fea (rhymes with sea).

Soon, the entire family, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins were calling me Fea. When my grandson was old enough to go to daycare, he learned I was his Grandma. And then, as hard as I had tried to get him to call me Grandma a few years earlier, I realized I didn't want to stop being Fea. Fea was the part of me that he had discovered. A woman who could still be silly, read Sam I Am for the millionth time, teach a toddler how to dance, and help him figure out Blues Clues. We all agreed I was Fea.

Now, my daughter and grandson have moved on to build a new family with steps and halfs and an additional grandma on the scene. This entire blended family calls me Fea. It helps keep my connection with my grandson as the other adult who raised him for five years, and has helped me have an instant identity for the rest of the children in the family. I am Fea. Fea is me!
   

Another Good Name for Grandma?

Am looking for an unusual name for my new grandchild to call me. The old standby names just won't do. I would love some suggestions and to hear what others in my generation are being called.

Pamela

Dear Pamela,

Thanks for writing to Grandboomers.com. Developing a name to be called by your grandchildren appears to be difficult for many Grandboomers. None of us feel old enough to be "Grandma" or "Grandpa"...yet, we are. Certainly, GrandPam would fit. One way other Grandboomers have solved this situation is to call upon names and words in their ethnic background that identify you as grandparent in a pleasing manner. Remember, the name you choose should be easy for the child to pronounce.

Support for Spanking

Dear Grandboomers,

Definitely spank. How did Dr. Spock become the authority anyway, and why did we all succumb to his thinking? My children were spanked occasionally and they are and have been good, polite kids, pleasant to be around. Just go to the grocery store or mall to see which kids get disciplined and which don't. They take the pleasure out of it for everyone within earshot! Disciplining your child is an indication of your value for that child and his or her future.

(Name withheld)  

Help Naming Another Grandboomer

Please help me. I am desperate. I am 50 years old and my son and his wife are expecting their first child in less than a month. I have been trying to come up with a name for myself for my new role as "grandmother". I have asked friends and relatives for their suggestions, but I still haven't found a name I can live with, and like so many other "baby boomers", I just can't see myself being called the traditional names that are associated with being a grandmother. So, today, as a last resort, I decided to search the web and I was delighted to find this website.

My children called their grandmothers "Nanny" and "Grandma", but I just can't relate to those names. I am of Irish and Italian descent, so if anyone knows a great name for grandma in Gaelic or Italian, please let me know. I am considering Nonna (Italian), but I'm still not satisfied. However, I am open to any suggestions in any language. Please help me. Thanks!

Nameless in New York  

Feeling Used

I am writing as a new grandparent to ask for some advice! My grandchild turns one year old next week and up until now I have been available to babysit, usually on a Friday night or occasionally on weekends.

However, I work full time in a very demanding management job and am a mature, single woman. Recently my son has asked me to babysit during the day Saturday or Sunday while they play golf. I found the five or six hours too much for me as I have only Saturday or Sunday to recoup my energies for work and get my own life in order (housework, etc.).

My son and his wife were furious when I told them I couldn`t be the designated babysitter, but could babysit occasionally and asked with advance notice. Since then they have not spoken to me and refused to bring the baby over for a visit. I feel that I helped them when the baby was tiny and have been very supportive in many other ways. But I am not prepared to commit to child care at their convenience.

I have a very busy life and just finished sixteen years of child care as a single parent. I need a break now!!! I want to know my grandchild, and love her dearly, but I want to know her with visits not connected to child care. The parents just made the assumption that I would be "the babysitter" without ever asking me my position.

Both of these parents work and have a vast network of contacts from which to secure a babysitter. Am I being unreasonable?

Feeling Like a Used Grandmother

Dear Grandma,

First of all, congratulations on your grandchild, and thanks for writing to Grandboomers. Yours is a difficult situation, but it seems you have a close relationship with your son and hopefully upon that strength a solution can be built.

Lending support to an adult child in any way is a is a gift to them rather than a requirement. If your son and his wife had the expectation of your availability, they might have experienced the disappointment when your behavior changed. The fact that your son and daughter-in-law made the assumption that you would be the babysitter is an example of what happens when communication gets overlooked. Feelings get hurt, and people can feel used or neglected depending on their perspective.

My advice would be to sit down with your son and daughter-in-law and simply let them know how much they mean to you, and ask them what their expectations were of your role and availability. Hopefully, the three of you will be able to come to a new understanding of each other's needs, and a respect for each other's roles. It may be helpful to enlist the services of an impartial third party (family therapist, member of the clergy) if the three of you are unable to discuss the situation.

Please let us know how things work out. Best of luck!

A New Grandboomer

Just dropping by to say "Hi", and that I am now officially a grandmother. Lydia Grace was born March 26.

I came across this website before she was born, and put it into my favorites list. And now since things have settled down a little, I am back on and reading it. It is a wonderful web site.

It is such a joy to be a grandparent. There are so many things you want to do. I had thought about starting a journal and wanted to write in it daily about Lydia, but I have not started it yet and am mad at myself for not doing it. I guess it wouldn't be to late. I thought it would then be nice to give it to her on her first birthday. But I guess it is better to start late than not at all.

I'll keep in touch and drop by later. Thanks.

(Name withheld)

We asked this viewer to let us know what she decided to have her granddaughter call her. Here is her response:

Dear Grandboomers,

It was nice to hear a reply from you. To answer the question of what Lydia will call me, it is "Nanny". My mother, now deceased, was called Nanny by my daughter and they were so close and I just couldn't think of anything better than to carry on being called Nanny.

My husband wants to be called "Pop". I think we'll go by Pop Pop, since I think that sounds easier to say for a little one than just "Pop" for now. Lydia's paternal grandparents are going to be called Gram and Pappy. Thanks for the idea about the journal.

Just was to visit Lydia tonight and had a good time just watching her in her bouncy seat making funny faces and trying to coo. Talk to you later.  

Grandboomers.com has knows that today there are many grandparents raising their grandchildren. If you have advice to offer or a story to share, we would enjoy hearing from you, too. letters@grandboomers.com

From a Happy Grandboomer

I just ran across you site today. I think it is wonderful. I am a 50 year old grandmother of three. My oldest grandson is 3 years old. I babysit for him every day and we have many wonderful adventures together. He is so precious to us (as are my beautiful granddaughters) and we enjoy and treasure our time with him/them. My granddaughters live 40 miles away and one is 2 and the other 9 months. We see then once a week at least so it is a wonderful time in our lives!! This grandparent thing is a rewarding experience and we find our grandchildren teaching us as well. I will visit you often!

Connie
(Illinois)

Discipline and Your Grandchildren

I think it is important that adults, whether parents, grandparents or care givers not view a child's behavior as a deliberate act to irritate the adult. I often saw this when parents picked up their children from the child care center I owned and operated. Young children DO NOT know that the parent is tired and had a tough day. The child is not deliberately trying to upset the parent. Their acting out behavior or defiance is simply an effort to get the attention of the tired and distracted parent. Adults need to regroup their thoughts and emotions BEFORE they pick up the child.

Discipline should be considered a learning process and not an act of punishment. Adults need to say what they mean and mean what they say. Follow through is so important to young children. Set the limits and stick to them.

Keep the rules simple and few. As a child most of the rules were set for the benefit and ease of my parents rather than as a method of teaching. An example is dressing your young child in a white delicate outfit and then going to the park telling them if they get dirty they will be punished. Rules should be for the health, safety and growth of the child or others.

Adults need to discuss rules with the children. Find out how they feel and think. Encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings. Adults also have to be open to changing rules and limits as the child grows more mature and can handle things.

I think it is important to think of ones child as a seperate human being from the adult and not just your child. We do not own children and do not need to control their every move.

Children need to make mistakes as long as it is not unsafe or unhealthy. We learn more through our failures than we do our successes and so do children.

Yelling, screaming and verbal threats seldom result in achieving the desired positive behavior. Adults need to respect the child and use normal tones of voice and not threaten.

Adults should admit it when they are wrong. Children will then learn that it is okay to fall short and make mistakes and they do not have to lie about it.

Too many parents wait too long to start teaching discipline. Once a child has mobility they need to know the limits and parameters. Expectant parents should discuss thier style of parenting and teaching discipline before the child is born. Parents need to come to an agreement on these issues so that the child does not get caught in the middle.

A schedule is so important to the child and to the parent. Plan ahead and always plan for the unexpected and the worst. Then you are ahead of the game and not yelling because the little ones gym shoes aren't in the closet.

Teach children to be independent and praise their efforts.

Parents need to realize that they are not perfect and will fall short of their expectations and those of their children. One mistake does not make you a bad person or parent. Make certain your child knows how much you love them. Always label the behavior as inappropriate and unacceptable rather than telling the child he/she is naughty.

Children need down time just like adults. With kids in group care, organized sports and very busy families they need help to establish some rituals and "alone time".

Always, always treat the child as an indivdual no matter how many children in the family or group. Be aware of their personal likes, dislikes, needs, desires, and fears. Most important let the child know how much he/she is loved by you. Hugs and kisses are so important for all people.

I hope this is helpful to others. Spanking does not teach but certainly does hurt. Parents have to take the time and responsibility for raising children. It is quicker and easier to slap and spank than it is to teach and express the deep love one feels for their child. Start early, keep it simple and look for the joys of parenting rather than the hassles. While it may not seem like it the time goes by fast and before you know it your child is grown and you want positive and loving memories of thier childhood. You want them to feel the same way.

Brenda R.

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